yes…that's the book for me

the b-i-b-l-e…

the bible was a mainstay in my life growing up. the book awed and captivated me…i felt compelled to read it…over and over again…each time, finding something…something that i could think about and ponder…and apply to my life. it was if God himself had spoken to me…after all, i was brought up to believe that the bible was the “inspired” word of God. the books…the chapters…the verses…all inspired by…all “breathed”…by God. how could that fact alone not captivate and pull one in?

well…God’s voice captivated me. it was a strong and absolute voice. in the old testament…before the “new law,” God had an angry and booming voice used to deal with the doubting Israelites wandering through the desert. God often times chose to speak in different ways, through different people and things. God spoke to moses via a burning bush. He spoke to king nebuchadnezzar via prophetic dreams interpreted by daniel. God spoke to abraham via an angel…asking him to sacrifice his only son isaac.

God began speaking very differently in the new testament…under the “new law.” He now chose to speak through His only Son, Jesus. and…all of the sudden…not only does the voice change to one of love and acceptance…but…the written word changes too. the words that Jesus has spoken…are identified with a different color of ink…red! all of the sudden, the harsh and booming voice of God…gives way to the kind and gentle words of His Son…Jesus. Jesus knew how to talk to people…how to listen to their needs. He spent time with everyday people, with everyday problems…sharing His message of love and forgiveness. His voice…captivates me.

and the plot thickens…

plot…

 

a baby’s room…painted light green with lavender bunny rabbits…stenciled on the walls. a young, dark-haired girl stands crib-side…staring. inside…lies an infant…bright red hair…a girl…cooing softly…returning the stare of the young girl…

the young girl’s room…painted light blue with aqua-colored starfish…stenciled on the walls. a young, dark-haired woman sits bed-side…listening. the dark-haired girl…is in bed…covers pulled up to her chin. she is talking…sometimes stopping to sniffle and wipe her nose. the girl starts sobbing…hard…then even harder. the woman gets up abruptly…telling the girl that everything was just a dream. she will not listen any further. her mind is made up. the girl is prone to histrionics. the woman turns toward the light…revealing a pregnant…largely swollen belly…

the young girl is left alone…scared, invalidated, not believed. it is not the first time…it is the reality that she has grown to accept. clearly…she was shown these things for a reason…

a baby is born…bright red hair…fair, fair skin…a girl. life will never be the same for the young girl…

the fire…the near drowning…the mutilation death of the neighbor’s cat. the fall off of the ladder…the medicine mix-up…the theft of their grandmother’s social security checks…

their parents believed her…the red-headed one. never did they listen to, or believe the dark-haired one. things accelerate from bad to worse…

a cold, hard cement jail cell. the dark-haired girl is now a woman…doing time. time for a crime…that is not her own. death. death is the sentence for the heinous murders committed. there she sits…counting down the days…till her ultimate demise…

a baby’s room…painted light green with lavender bunny rabbits…stenciled on the walls. a young, dark-haired girl stands crib-side…staring. inside…lies an infant…bright red hair…a girl…cooing softly…returning the stare of the young girl. the young girl stands…with her hands behind her back. holding…clutching…fiddling with a…white…plastic…bag…

what i'd say to my 16-year-old self

this is what you need to know…

i wouldn’t say anything to my 16 year old self. why? because my 16 year old self wouldn’t listen. at 16 years old…it would be too late. instead…i would corner my 7 year old self and read her the following:

Advice To Myself At Seven:

1. Do not dare your best friend, Audrey Bell, to pull the fire alarm…she will get in big trouble and get suspended for something that you suggested and dared her to do.

2. Do not punch your other best friend, Lyn Hanson, in the mouth because she said that she had a loose tooth…and could not get it out…she will end up losing two…the loose one and an adult one that will need an implant.

3. Do not hide in the boys bathroom and scare them…you will end up in Pastor Geiger’s office…and get a spanking that you will never forget.

4. Stop talking!!! Just because you think that you already know everything does not mean that everyone else does too. You are distracting others from learning and their grades are suffering.

5. Do not let your archenemy, Rebecca Beezer, get to you. Remain calm and levelheaded…use your smarts to beat her at her own game. Eventually…people will see that she is the “bad seed”. If you strike out at her…you will forever be labeled crazy and “evil”…she is your pastor’s daughter…they will always believe her over you…BE SMART…DO IT DIFFERENTLY!!!

6. Do not get involved with playing “Truth or Dare”…although you will always have a weakness for it…choose who you decide to play with very carefully!!! Some people just want to get you in trouble. When John Hoffman dares you to tell Mrs. Jones to “f@#k off”…do not do it…have a spasm…play deaf…fall out of your chair…anything…JUST DON’T DO IT!!! You will end up being the one who gets spanked in front of the whole class by Pastor Hoffman…John’s dad…then suspended…and then spanked again at home. Play Twister instead…just keep your clothes on.

7. Do not tell anyone that you are in the “Witness Relocation Program”…it freaks them out…kids tell their parents…their parents tell your parents…and you look like a nut job. I know that you are just kidding because you feel like you do not belong to your parents…but if you want to entertain people try juggling instead.

8. Take a paper bag with you to carpool every morning. The Kohl’s car is filthy…and eventually you will sit on melted chocolate and be teased mercilessly all day at school. If you put it down on the seat and sit on it…you will be able to avoid this embarrassment.

9. NEVER tell your mother about the dream that keeps you up every night for the nine months while she is pregnant. She will never be able to get past it. Pray all night if you have to…just keep quiet…and maybe she will love you.

10. Your life is about to change drastically…you have a sister now. Learn how to share and not be selfish. Make absolutely sure that she is safe and well-protected.

if i would have been able to tell my 7 year old self these things…i would have been able to save her from a lot of hurt and harm.

home sweet home

ah…la jolla…

 

my dream home is located in la jolla, california…right on the beach at la jolla shores. it is a very big house, maybe 4000 square feet…it is multi-level, with a wall of windows facing the beach and ocean. the house itself is in the style of the hampton’s/cape cod cottage…weathered brown shingles. there is a huge wrap a round deck for observation, grillin’, and chillin’. outside, the property is tiered with different types of vegetation on each level. the top tier has a vegetable and herb garden, the next tier has tropical vegetation like: banana trees, bird of paradise, bamboo, and pampas grass. the next tier has a succulent garden and many different types of palm trees. finally…the last tier closest to the beach is the sprawling, perfect, green lawn…perfect for playing frisbee with dieter.

my other dream home is a spanish style bungalow, located in hillcrest (san diego), california. this home has a basement darkroom, a beautiful spanish styled tile pool, and courtyard with fountain and surrounding tropical and succulent plants. this home is open and airy…close to where the “action” is at…but…still tucked away and private. the roof is made from terracotta tiles…there are wrought iron accents everywhere. mexican tiles in cobalt and white…are the “stars” of this show.

*dream*

i dreamed that —>

i found out that sarah was secretly exercising and dieting without me.  she was going to the gym and swimming and lifting weights. i was mad because i had noticed a difference in her body size and shape…and asked her if she was dieting/exercising…and she said, “no, ” right to my face.  she lied.  i was so angry…then i woke up.

my prophetic dream

i saw the forces of good and evil clash in all out warfare. angels with swords avenging the deaths of the righteous…slaying demons to the right…and to the left.

 

i don’t know if i was dreaming or not, but when i was little…right before my sister was born…when i was between 6 and 7…i used to have really bad “dreams”…and my mother would have to come into the bedroom with me to try to get me to calm down. all i know…is that i told her exactly what i saw and heard and felt…and it just freaked her out…she forever changed how she felt about me…and we never could or have gotten past it…apparently i scared her really badly…and still to this day…she will not talk about it or tell me what it was that i said.

anyway…like i said before…i don’t know if it was dreams or stress…or some other force at work…but i didn’t sleep the whole time my mother was pregnant with my sister…i was too terrified to close my eyes.

i would “wake” up and see an old man sitting in the corner of my room. he was in sack cloth and covered with ash..he had a long flowing beard. he said that he was in mourning for what was to come.

at that point…the man would begin to reveal things…events to me. there were fires, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, pestilence…all out plagues…destruction of every living thing…man and beast.

i saw the forces of good and evil clash in all out warfare. angels with swords avenging the deaths of the righteous…slaying demons to the right…and to the left.

the man told me that he was showing me these things for a reason…so that i might spread the word, and be ready to defend my faith…and that i might protect the faithful left alive on earth.

the man was a prophet…perhaps elijah. he told me that i was supposed to be a modern day messenger of God…and that was why i had been shown the prophetic acts of the end of days. i was chosen by God…

needless to say…when i told my mother that there was an old man in the corner of my room that not only talked to me…but, also showed me events to come in the future…that forever tainted me in her eyes…things were never the same for us ever again.