what i learned…

 

i recently learned that i suffer from food addiction, a form of disordered eating.

a few months back, i decided to try the medi-fast diet to drop some weight. i had seen many of my friends and acquaintances have great success with the plan, and so i decided to give it a try. i thought that it would be so easy, all of what i needed was in a tiny little pouch…i just needed to add water. it was supposed to be that easy. i had always had great willpower and self-control…

the first three days were supposed to be the worst, but everyday after that was even worse. everyday, every hour, every minute…every meal i was so sad…i was grieving…grieving the loss of smell, taste, feeling of texture, ability to chew. i slipped into sadness and depression…i felt so hopeless, wanting to do the plan and lose weight…but, becoming so despondent that i had to quit. i rationalized to myself that medi-fast just wasn’t the right plan for me…and perhaps something else would be…all the while smothering the real reasons and feelings for my grief with food.

it was here, at this point, that i learned that i was addicted to food…that i had an eating disorder.

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